"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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