So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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