ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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