Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
