okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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