All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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