Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
