Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
