This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
