Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
