My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
