Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize