I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
