nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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