Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
