At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
