So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
