just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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