I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
