I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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