I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
