The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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