Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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