How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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