i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
