Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
