I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
