throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
