Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
third nipple confirmed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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