____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
