bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
