I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You did what with his pubic hair?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
