He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
