Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
