So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
