i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
