dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
