i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize