apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
