Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
