I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Floor bacon is actually really good
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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