I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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