i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
