nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
