I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
