I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
