My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
