My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
