you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
