I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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