Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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