i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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