Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
