if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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