i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
