i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
