dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
