i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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