Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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