I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
