my mouth tastes like poor choices
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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