Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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