Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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