Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
