Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
