Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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