you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
