at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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