Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
