who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
