you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
