just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
