It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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