haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
