The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
