I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
